LiFe oF gUohU|...cHp 159
ok.. i'm so damn free at last... and i know i have to blog... venting out my words... clearing thought. i had to blog.
had a good bball day today... which i actually get so high playing the game. fast pace. precise passing. it's abt trust. it's abt passion. it's abt the pace. it's abt the game. i love this game..
to be honest. i never had a serious game after my last leg sprain... and i relished at today's...
was talking to jasper just now... abt why i am so siao abt npcc...
as i explained to him... a series of thoughts actually went pass my mind. why am i still very involved in this cca? i mean even after so many many yrs...
for one thing, i could be a scout today if nt for khaiwan. i could become a librarian. i could become part of the choir. i was once in choir during my pri sch days. was in the angklung assembly... something muscial.
yet during my sec sch days. i wanted to explore the wilder side of me. i wanted to join scouts. yet the ironic twist of fate blew me over to npcc. when i become a ci. i was very lucky to meet NCOs like vincent, lam yarn, chin yeh. as i move on to sec 2. had a pt break. was lucky to bond so well with my squadmates like hong wei, kiat yong, arthur and all. sec 3 was gruelsome... sec 4 was memorable. the series of events tt make my experience in npcc so so memorable. i knew i had to keep this spirit going. i wanted others to achieve what i did not. i wanted to impart wad i know. i want this belonging feeling to stay on. for the self proclaimed selfish reasons i stated, i become a ci. i wanted to serve for the people in chung cheng npcc, rather than the organistion. selfish thought at tt huh? along the way of CI-hood, i met some very good frens like jay jay, raymond, sameer, emily and all... basically the squadmates of my CIBTC. and events like the campcraft com, chingay, national camp, helping out at other CI frens' atc as lifeguard gather me to more CI frens... like kenny and kenneth. nelson. angeline, zaki and all. all very nice ppl with diff perspective on npcc and serve for a diff purpose in the same organsation..
did i forget tt memorable gruelsome lifesaving course tt i met ppl like huiping, shermaine, roszian, kobe, ivan and all? sweet but memorable. the course is fun. the training is tough. who the hell will travel to police academy like 3 or 4 times a week to train to pass the lifesaving test? we do. the never say die. never quit spirit in us. and of course encouragements and friendship bonds. i forgot cinderine.
and campcraft training for competition for me. whr i met nice ppl like jinquan, weida, brent, guan yong, cheehan, brent, terrance, darren, jerry and of course kiat yong.( who happened to be the person who went thru lifesaving course with me). corny jokes, serious training, crazy PT session, serious discussion. nite time soccer and bballing. and breaking chung cheng npcc history to achieve 5th in the national campcraft competition.. unbelievable. esp when we thought we lost it all in the prelimary when our flag dropped as we raised the flag. and i was the person rushing brent. i remembered grieving to myself after the thing. was so damn upset. after tt, the surprise came to us tt we were in the finals. trained for it. got 5th. had a crazy self celebration. like the sandcastle building at East Coast. imagine all the guys doing a sandcastle on the beach? tt's crazy. tt's so lame.. tt's us.
ok.. these are memorable things tt draw me closer to npcc.
i forgot abt our mt ophir trip when i had lots of fun too... getting lost with chee siong, guan yong and all...
and all the school parade tt we went thru.. the training and the parade.
and atc... when sec 2 i was the best camper. sec 3 was even more fun. only 9 guys actually went for tt.
and all the after activity ball games and talking it thru session. all the prata sessions the coffee shop
and my first zi char session with arthur and kiatyong after survivathon. still remember arthur ordering one plate of xiao bai cai... insisting tt is healthy..
all the fun tt we had... i missed those days.. which can only be found back in those days..
yet there are horrible nitemare like me almost being force out of school because of poor results in which tt mr yue thought the cause was npcc. i still remember his words. it's either u quit npcc to join MRL or u quit chung cheng. these very words still ring in my mind. i actually cried at tt moment. i NEVER wanted to quit npcc. so as it goes. tt becomes my determination to study for an O lvl test he set for me. a 90 for every subjects tt i took. those were the days... the nitemare. and because of tt very stress, i failed my 2nd class drill badge and of course, my staff sergeant test.
which i was devastated at tt very pt of time. very. imagine failing tt promo and ur studies. tt was like my lowest point in life so far. like the world comes crashing down on u. but i picked myself up. focus on my studies and passing my ssgt retest. and 2nd class drill badge. passing out as an NCO.
which made me realise tt failure is not everything. but u are nth if u dun pick urself up. this is one very impt lesson tt i learnt.
ok. i digressed. CI hood is nt really abt those things i mentioned abt... as i have come to realise. unspoken commitments. hours of meetings and decisions making. but i learned a lot from being a CI. learning from fellow CIs. learning from cadets. learning from NCO. CI are nt god. every moment is a learnign experience. i am thankful for all these that i have learnt to be a better person. ok.. i am writing like i am gonna pass out as a CI. but there are still time for me to achieve even more things. helping others achieving what they can.
though sometimes the commitment turns into a burden. it is the same burden tt reminds u of the responsibility and with tt responsibility, u will be reminded of ur commitment and u will focus on completing ur task. but one thing never fades. it's the passion and the ppl tt will keep u going.
but to me. life is nt all abt npcc. i have learnt to balance my life with my cca. being a CI is a passion. it is nt my life. sometimes knowing to let go is a good thing. i have seen fellow CI being obsessed with npcc. i shiver at tt thought. who knows what they will become when they break away from npcc?
speaking of CI.. for the past 2yrs, have been knowing quite a fair bit of CI. with diff approach, diff objective. there are CI who see themselves as god. as a tyrant. the almighty ones. there are CIs who treated their cadets like dirt and do it in the most barbaric ways... army style.... there are CIs who treated their cadets like babies... showering them with too much care and concern; acting like their mothers. yet there are CIs who becomes a CI to wayang abt. seeing it as a status, as a platform to show how almighty they are. the pretentious ones. there are CIs who serve to serve the organisation, being very involved in the name of NPCC. oraganising parades and events. and those who joined to be closer to the police organistion which i tink differs a lot from npcc. and those of cca pts
there are just so many many diff type of CIs ard. revolving the same organisation with diff aims, diff perspective on npcc, diff styles. to me, i can call it an art. or simply just a platform to achieve something personal, yet with the ability to affect some many others. it's amazing how words cadet inspector comes to mean.
but i will respect the very ppl who went thru the course to be a CI. it's punishing. mentally. but whether i held them in high regards in another thing all togther. actions will be the best evidences.
i dun really know what's with me to start this entry. but as i rattle on. i realised tt i have been thru so much... so so so much... hate it or nt, npcc has play a very significane role in my teenage life. and i hope i dun regret in yrs to come. i won't. i believe.
