LiFe oF gUohU|...cHp 164

it really had me in awe that how amazing the word conversation come to means and the topics of conversation. and all that relates to a conversation, the ongoing process of a conversation, to carry on a conversation, to end off one. i mean, this thing call coversation by itself it truely amazing. to the very least, it amazes me a lot.

i often wonder how one can proclaim himself as a great conversationist. and can one actually talks abt everything under the sun? i mean, there countless topics in the word to talk abt. surely u can't have a grasp of what is everything is all abt, can u? i certainly cannot.

how abt starting a conversation, what do we actually talk abt? this is truely a mind-boogling issue for me to ponder. past experience? hobby? ur life? my life? our current affairs? gossips? other people? hmm... even as the list goes on. wouldn't it ever gets bored and stagnant to keep on talking abt the same thing over and over again. so how long does it take to change into a different topic then? an hr? or two?

perhaps i am a man of few words. i am. i wun say tt i am a good conversationist. only the person who knows how to analysis. and yes. listen. i dun actually get it why sometimes we can talk for hours with a person on the same topic and stay silent with some ppl without a single approach to what to talk abt. i am a thinking person u see.

and just to add on, there are a thousand and one kind of conversation we can have. immature or nt? corny or nt? it's interesting. i mean we can hear ppl discussing abt current personal affairs, nonsensical teasing, abt self perspective, abt their love life, abt anything. the point is whether the conversation at least to me, is worth talking abt at all.

maybe tt's why i like to listen to conversation rather than particpate in one. i do talk. just tt most of the time, i prefer to listen and give constructive replies. or share my perspective in a mature manner. i do joke and tease ard. but u will never find me giving inconstructive unrealistic comment tt is way to comment. for example, a wad if something unrealistic bad things happen. i actually will laugh at the ppl who do tt. for their immaturity.

i actually realise tt my conversational topics often revolves ard np( nt tt i dun live a life), my life, ur life, philosophical aspects, human behaviour, giving advices to personal and relationship life, studies, habits, past experience and things ard me. ok, current affairs too. have been noticing for the past 24hrs. these are the topics i have approached. interestin to note how the topics of a coversation will reveal the personality of the person itself. amazing.

there are too much to blog. but i dun seems to have the desire to blog on. mentally drained from my papers. maybe i shall touch on this another day.

guohuilist turned back time on Saturday, February 25, 2006.

LiFe oF gUohU|...cHp 163


tired of cramping illogically logically electronic engineering stuff into my brain, i realise that i need a platform to shout it out. and realise that here i am. interesting, it is always that during the exam periods that i will always be blogging the most. and likewise, the time that my thoughts will often drift off to think of the many perspectives of life. and the sources that leads to these thoughts, it will be nevertheless the nonsensical stuff that i do when i am at home studying. things like viewing past photos, books and all.

which explains why i realise i made a fatal mistake this time round by studying at home. to make it worse, the PC and msn messenger is left on. that means distractions and time consuming chats and more chats. awww...

ok, shall be bringing myself back to the topic of blogging today. which i really wanna blog on changes. yes. as much as i have always emphasize, changes are inevitable and often subconsciously. if you have come to realise it, you have probably evolve. change. be it character wise, personality wise, mentally wise, physically. and to undo the change, it will be often than not, a mean task.

maybe i am just sounding like i am writing a thesis paper. or some philosophical issue. but the point is. i do not even know why i am thinking abt all these. maybe boredom of mugging led me to these trails... or even to find some kicks in life out of studying for exams.

ok. back to changes. have you ever wonder how much you actually change, look at yourself in the mirror and compare to the you in the photo. first thing to me is that, oh gosh. is tt really me in the photos? apparently i was kinda shock. i look awful in some of the past pic with center parting hairstyle. and all tt corny posture. with all the awful looking ppl with corny posture too in the picture. coming back to today, we have all change in one way or another. be it our character, yes, our hairs, or simply us. drastic changes for some. but main pt is, we have all evolve. change.

heavily noted. changes in the only constant in life. and i cannot agree more to that in life. but abt the events and the things that changes you. and the people. how have they? why have they? in the first place, how did you apparently come in contact with these ppl, these events? it is simply interesting. i would for once call tt miracle. i dun exactly wanna use the words fate and destiny. but dun you all think it is so amazing that in this life, in this world, we managed to be connected to these ppl and events. though our decisions eventually determine the outcome. it is just so amazing that we actually connects. maybe tt is call affinity. of course, the outcome is again, decisions. by us. by them.

the ppl u meet. why them? why nt others? hmm... thought provoking for me.

guohuilist turned back time on Tuesday, February 21, 2006.

LiFe oF gUohU|...cHp 162

oh gosh. i'm at it again... u know, studying for exams half heartedly... tt kinda sucks... coz i am still on the holiday mood.. but then again, when do i really feel studious till after the papers? yawns...

and know wad, my goon bro who i always sneered at for being the only person tt's in a neighbour sch.. ( ngee ann sec), considering my youngest bro at AHS and me in CCHS.. he scored a 10 for his Os... way better than i do... duhx..

ok.. besides the pts...

now i'l practically spend my days at home/ library mugging and head down to the bball court to well, talk rubbish, play ball, smoke other ppl smoke, joke ard... cool...

went down to thomson rd for probably the last time since PA is shifting to chua chu kang... to witness the campcraft com 06... my 3rd time witnessing the bi-annual event. ok... the feeling was kinda nostalgia... though i tot that our own cc com spirit is just not there anymore.. it's tt mentality in us...yrs again..

den went down to ubin for the ATF thing... and ya, one of my fren times when i actually rent a bike and cycle into the campsite. alone... and i kinda like the feeling of cycling into the campsite... you know, rugged terrain, mud... rocks... nature... and tt's intriguing.

and yawn.. i am turning nocturnal... and i must tell myself no midnite prata.. no.

guohuilist turned back time on Monday, February 20, 2006.

LiFe oF gUohU...cHp 161

waahh... finally done with my report writing on lighting system and my CA PBIL... have got nth better to do than to blog aniwae... know wad... it's tough doing a PBIL with a member knowing minimal abt the topic... my brain juices are drying up now...it's cracking up..

was chatting with micheal, ahbian and desmond abt the situation at the bball court... apparently, it seems tt the ball court has become a place for little boys and girls to buaya... these newcomers to the court dun seems to go there to place ball anymore... it's like guys coming over to prey on girls... and girls coming to be preyed by the guys... and then there are cases of quarrels and fights over these girls... these little BOYS... little kids of sec 1 and 2, 2 20yrs old guys... over a few girls of age younger than sec 2s...

i would say tt is real pathetic... can u even stand a 20yrs old guy and a lower sec girl together? tt's utter crazily... i mean the age gap and mentality is like so different... esp at this stage of life.....

or maybe is tt i am just so jealous tt there is this chung cheng sec 1 girl being together with ths poser sec 3 guy who pretend to be tough but couldn't even stand a knocking from me...

tt sucks.. terrance, an ex chung chengian agreed with me so... nt tt coz tt guy is from some springfield sec.. but we can't stand BOYS pretend to be men... in the wrong way...

but again why shld i care?

ok... back to the pt... those kids are really spoiling our atmostphere for our game... ok... we may seems male chauvinist tt will really boot girls from our game so that we can play it out... i mean, cmon, no disrecpect to the ladies... but physical contact is the word for a sport like bball and do u really want us to have our hands all over u? tt's why i dun really like to play bball with girls...

ok, maybe sometimes i may be so over seeming to be so interested in a girl or 2... but all in the good name of a joke... ever seen me really going after tt girl? nah... against my moral integerity... i visit the bball court for a game... nt to know girls...


case closed...

and i am just so damn frustrated tt i am acting like a typical gemini... ok... i seldom read horoscope stuff... but being so screwd up today tt i actually picked up the magazine to read up this stuff... and to my amaze, it seems so amazing true... esp the part on unable to settle for 1 companion...

ok... i shall nt digress anymore... dun wanna blog like those kids do... love is the world to them... ok, i'm nt... i got other things in life to live for... and doing things logically is my style...


maybe i blog too much... time for my report again... this time round formatting... arrrghhh....

guohuilist turned back time on Tuesday, February 14, 2006.

LiFe oF gUohU...cHp 160

i'm back to blogging with a fucked up mood. which i obviously cannot answer myself either... it's just that kinda of feeling tt gets you frustrated at yourself altogther...

or for which i dun wish to mention the reason.

ok... i'm back to blogging after a long long break... of like a week or so... had a series of events which i wanna blog down in my memory lane, may it be memorable or nt...

like helping jasper to piece his 500 pieces of jigsaw puzzle at zq hse...

going to jalan kayu for midnite prata...

doing Project Based Independent Learning to realise how much i dun understand the topics at all...

having my energy drained because of so many other things tt require loads of travelling...

basically, i am just plain tired mentally...

ok... things to focus now will be my exams, or shld i say my projects due this week, and then back to my exams... campcraft com... hope is dim but i still have this little bit of hope in these young lads... and girls...

and cut down on other trival or rather unimportant stuff like watching movies and goign out..

and definitely midnite prata sessions are a big taboo and ya... a big no...

yawn... i'm like so tired...

ton at tse chiew hse ytd coz of the 2hm peeps... initially i din want to... coz i was intending to study for my papers today... as in sunday.... but they went to tse chiew hse and tt was like a stone throw from mine... so i went instead and ya... ended up having breakfast with them before going home to slp till late.. noon...

before tt, had this bball session with jasper and zr... and zi char with the 2hm ppl to celebrate ziyan's bday... den gamed at this board game shop which i ended up losing quite a far bit... board games are never my forte and i can understand why i lost... or maybe... otherwise? hahah...

den it was card games at tse chiew hse with the usual chatting session with the ppl at the coffeshop at 5 plus?

and it all ended with me waiting with esther for her bus home before heading home to slp...

and best of all, i ended up studying only 2hrs before going for dinner...

how great...

and i am stuck with doing my report on the lighting system... hmmm... tt means i will want to skip my CA lecture tml... how nice...


arrrghh.. exams' coming... followed by my industrial training program... i got a jpb offer at Sim lim's shop with an allowance of SGD 440... somewhr lesser than tt of a lower income worker... tt makes me wanna go for the interview with hallmark... who called me to go for an interview... how weird as it sounds huh? an electronic engineering student working in a shop tt sells bear and cards for industrial training? tt's really ROFL...

ok.. by now, i have decided to leave my report writing to later on in the day... i gonna slp... i am getting real lazy...

and i am feeling real fucked up. and it happens everytime somethings happens...

maybe i'll just cancel my date this tues altogether... i am having no mood to go out...

haha...


stop sweeping me off my feet.
for i may never get up again

guohuilist turned back time on Monday, February 13, 2006.

LiFe oF gUohU|...cHp 159

ok.. i'm so damn free at last... and i know i have to blog... venting out my words... clearing thought. i had to blog.

had a good bball day today... which i actually get so high playing the game. fast pace. precise passing. it's abt trust. it's abt passion. it's abt the pace. it's abt the game. i love this game..

to be honest. i never had a serious game after my last leg sprain... and i relished at today's...

was talking to jasper just now... abt why i am so siao abt npcc...

as i explained to him... a series of thoughts actually went pass my mind. why am i still very involved in this cca? i mean even after so many many yrs...

for one thing, i could be a scout today if nt for khaiwan. i could become a librarian. i could become part of the choir. i was once in choir during my pri sch days. was in the angklung assembly... something muscial.

yet during my sec sch days. i wanted to explore the wilder side of me. i wanted to join scouts. yet the ironic twist of fate blew me over to npcc. when i become a ci. i was very lucky to meet NCOs like vincent, lam yarn, chin yeh. as i move on to sec 2. had a pt break. was lucky to bond so well with my squadmates like hong wei, kiat yong, arthur and all. sec 3 was gruelsome... sec 4 was memorable. the series of events tt make my experience in npcc so so memorable. i knew i had to keep this spirit going. i wanted others to achieve what i did not. i wanted to impart wad i know. i want this belonging feeling to stay on. for the self proclaimed selfish reasons i stated, i become a ci. i wanted to serve for the people in chung cheng npcc, rather than the organistion. selfish thought at tt huh? along the way of CI-hood, i met some very good frens like jay jay, raymond, sameer, emily and all... basically the squadmates of my CIBTC. and events like the campcraft com, chingay, national camp, helping out at other CI frens' atc as lifeguard gather me to more CI frens... like kenny and kenneth. nelson. angeline, zaki and all. all very nice ppl with diff perspective on npcc and serve for a diff purpose in the same organsation..

did i forget tt memorable gruelsome lifesaving course tt i met ppl like huiping, shermaine, roszian, kobe, ivan and all? sweet but memorable. the course is fun. the training is tough. who the hell will travel to police academy like 3 or 4 times a week to train to pass the lifesaving test? we do. the never say die. never quit spirit in us. and of course encouragements and friendship bonds. i forgot cinderine.

and campcraft training for competition for me. whr i met nice ppl like jinquan, weida, brent, guan yong, cheehan, brent, terrance, darren, jerry and of course kiat yong.( who happened to be the person who went thru lifesaving course with me). corny jokes, serious training, crazy PT session, serious discussion. nite time soccer and bballing. and breaking chung cheng npcc history to achieve 5th in the national campcraft competition.. unbelievable. esp when we thought we lost it all in the prelimary when our flag dropped as we raised the flag. and i was the person rushing brent. i remembered grieving to myself after the thing. was so damn upset. after tt, the surprise came to us tt we were in the finals. trained for it. got 5th. had a crazy self celebration. like the sandcastle building at East Coast. imagine all the guys doing a sandcastle on the beach? tt's crazy. tt's so lame.. tt's us.

ok.. these are memorable things tt draw me closer to npcc.

i forgot abt our mt ophir trip when i had lots of fun too... getting lost with chee siong, guan yong and all...

and all the school parade tt we went thru.. the training and the parade.

and atc... when sec 2 i was the best camper. sec 3 was even more fun. only 9 guys actually went for tt.

and all the after activity ball games and talking it thru session. all the prata sessions the coffee shop

and my first zi char session with arthur and kiatyong after survivathon. still remember arthur ordering one plate of xiao bai cai... insisting tt is healthy..

all the fun tt we had... i missed those days.. which can only be found back in those days..

yet there are horrible nitemare like me almost being force out of school because of poor results in which tt mr yue thought the cause was npcc. i still remember his words. it's either u quit npcc to join MRL or u quit chung cheng. these very words still ring in my mind. i actually cried at tt moment. i NEVER wanted to quit npcc. so as it goes. tt becomes my determination to study for an O lvl test he set for me. a 90 for every subjects tt i took. those were the days... the nitemare. and because of tt very stress, i failed my 2nd class drill badge and of course, my staff sergeant test.

which i was devastated at tt very pt of time. very. imagine failing tt promo and ur studies. tt was like my lowest point in life so far. like the world comes crashing down on u. but i picked myself up. focus on my studies and passing my ssgt retest. and 2nd class drill badge. passing out as an NCO.

which made me realise tt failure is not everything. but u are nth if u dun pick urself up. this is one very impt lesson tt i learnt.

ok. i digressed. CI hood is nt really abt those things i mentioned abt... as i have come to realise. unspoken commitments. hours of meetings and decisions making. but i learned a lot from being a CI. learning from fellow CIs. learning from cadets. learning from NCO. CI are nt god. every moment is a learnign experience. i am thankful for all these that i have learnt to be a better person. ok.. i am writing like i am gonna pass out as a CI. but there are still time for me to achieve even more things. helping others achieving what they can.

though sometimes the commitment turns into a burden. it is the same burden tt reminds u of the responsibility and with tt responsibility, u will be reminded of ur commitment and u will focus on completing ur task. but one thing never fades. it's the passion and the ppl tt will keep u going.

but to me. life is nt all abt npcc. i have learnt to balance my life with my cca. being a CI is a passion. it is nt my life. sometimes knowing to let go is a good thing. i have seen fellow CI being obsessed with npcc. i shiver at tt thought. who knows what they will become when they break away from npcc?

speaking of CI.. for the past 2yrs, have been knowing quite a fair bit of CI. with diff approach, diff objective. there are CI who see themselves as god. as a tyrant. the almighty ones. there are CIs who treated their cadets like dirt and do it in the most barbaric ways... army style.... there are CIs who treated their cadets like babies... showering them with too much care and concern; acting like their mothers. yet there are CIs who becomes a CI to wayang abt. seeing it as a status, as a platform to show how almighty they are. the pretentious ones. there are CIs who serve to serve the organisation, being very involved in the name of NPCC. oraganising parades and events. and those who joined to be closer to the police organistion which i tink differs a lot from npcc. and those of cca pts

there are just so many many diff type of CIs ard. revolving the same organisation with diff aims, diff perspective on npcc, diff styles. to me, i can call it an art. or simply just a platform to achieve something personal, yet with the ability to affect some many others. it's amazing how words cadet inspector comes to mean.

but i will respect the very ppl who went thru the course to be a CI. it's punishing. mentally. but whether i held them in high regards in another thing all togther. actions will be the best evidences.


i dun really know what's with me to start this entry. but as i rattle on. i realised tt i have been thru so much... so so so much... hate it or nt, npcc has play a very significane role in my teenage life. and i hope i dun regret in yrs to come. i won't. i believe.

guohuilist turned back time on Thursday, February 02, 2006.