LiFe oF gUohU|...cHp 109

damn... it has been raining/ drizzling all day... as much as i hate to say, i am really bothered by the weather... as well as tt thorny issue... hate to say tt it really took its toll on me... okie.. admitted i haven actually gotten all over it... can't help but wasted my time thinking over and over again abt it...

does it really matters tt much to me?

maybe i am not really tt rationale now to answer tt question...

but i now i have to admit my decision. i have to accept the situation...

though someone told me tt by 2007, i will be guaranteed mine... but is it still the same animore? well... *shrug*

besides, i would have graduated by april 2007... and enlisted by then... if ever i can still make it for the would-be parade, tt means the unwanted otherwise have happened in my course of studies... n i'm sure i dun not want tt to happen...


damn... i guess it is time NOT to be a gentleman and start thinking of myself...

tt's wad a fren told me...

we cannot always think for others and in the end, only end up hurting ourselves.


well... i am not very much classified in the " for noble cause" categeory... i am juz following my heart to lead me to the ideal outcome... which i guess, i regretted it myself very much...

esp when i heard " we have to practise our ***** drill..." do u guys even noe tt the words crushed upon me like a stab in my heart? considered my feelings? dun tink so..

and at this pt of time, i guess there is no reason for me to hide my disgust...

I DUN WANNA BE A NICE GUY NO MORE...

if i cannot be self-less as i want myself to be... someone PLS teach me to be selfish...

chivalry dun mean a thing in these days...

but i dun get it... y can others have their cake and eat it...


i can't...


okie... i noe this ain't some soap drama whr ppl are supposed to cry...

life goes on rite...

but even the normal stuff i do can't seem to cheer me up. not even miss orange sandals... or the usual crackup in classes...

i am still mulling...

and for once, pls stop asking me if i am lovesick... i'm not...

i am just feeling... empty... disappointed... upset...

no one says it was easy... but nobody even told me it was tt difficult...

but i trust tt i must do my job no matter wad...

meanwhile, let me be... i will sort out my thoughts... i hope...

meanwhile, i dun think i can see sunshine in me for the next few days...
which i greatly apologised for all who expected me so...

a good fren once told me that i should not always be the man behind the mask... there shall be no facade... if i am sad, show the world tt i am so...

i always dun believe in tt..

but for this time rd, i juz dun seem to pick up my smiles...

and worse of all, my brothers are pissing me off... very... i noe i am grouchy... can't u guys let me have it my way for once...

maybe nt...


maybe guohui is a forsaken person... maybe i am...

wadever...

depressed...

guohuilist turned back time on Tuesday, June 21, 2005.

LiFe oF gUohU|...cHp 108

to every uniformed group personnel, it is his/ her greatest pride and glory to participate in a parade...

especially for his/ her school...


it is even a greater honour to be the parade commander or GOH contigent commander for the school's speech day parade...

the person who choose to sacrifice himself so that others can take his role with pride is such a fool...

i am the fool...

well... self sacrifice is not all about you losing something good, but it is about passing it to someone else...

no one says it was easy... but no one told it was tt difficult...

i tot i can take it in my stride... but it was all wrong... i can't...


and i very much hate myself for tt initial decision...

y do i always try to be that mr nice guy... and ended up being so upset myself...

grrhh... this is nt the first time... but i fear it will not be the last to come...

i noe i am upset. i really am...

but turning back in time... i realise that i will still make tt decision for myself to be upset all over again...


i juz cannot stand anyone of us getting unhappy not being in the parade. or quarrel in the open or behind each other back... i will rather me being the unlucky one out...

well... i only have myself to blame, myself to be upset about, and pissed at myself

and i cannot stand it when ppl are so oblivious of other ppl feeling...

grrhhh

guohuilist turned back time on Monday, June 20, 2005.

LiFe oF gUohU|...cHp 107

weeh...



from left: me, hong kai, jon, lam yarn, karen
instructors of cchsm npcc... excluding our dear DR Teck Leong and harry who happened to be in changi general hospital ward 36, bed 15...

a snapshot taken on the last day of LMSC... courtesy of lam yarn's camera... oh ya... btw... tt is like one of the few photo which i actually see her SMILE... whahaa...


i still have lots of un-upload photo in my hp... will promise to keep my promise which i promised to post it up... soon... whahah.

tt's it for now... gotta rest for a better tml... phew... survived 3 weeks/weekend of npcc activities... though it was kinda sad tt harry is in hospital for the very wrong reason... wahahaha...

guohuilist turned back time on Sunday, June 19, 2005.

LiFe oF gUohU|...cHp 106

okie... it is coming to the end of the 3rd week of my school term, 3rd week of the cadet's holiday... and after been thru 2 camps and a course, i declare that i am severely deprived of slp... and i mean severely... it is lyk having ard 5hrs of slp per nite for everyday... den off to camp, 1 more week of 5hrs slp per nite, to camp... 5hrs of slp per nite, den to this leadership and mentoring skill course... there is really no resting time for me to recuperate myself.... but the good thing is tml is the end of the LMSC and the series of npcc activities for a moment and i can finally rest for the sunday before speech day rehearsal begins... *groan... i'll make sure i have at least 18hrs of slp on sunday man... so what are the cadets and fellow JC instructors complaining compared to me... at least they get a day or 2 off more than me to study or rest...

speaking of studies... have been lagging a lot in my module man... suddenly dun really dun understand my modules well... well... yr 2 modules are completely way too complex as compared with yr 1... grrrh... gotta start catching up next week le man...

oh ya... went to the sec 1 squad bbq on thurs... tt is ytd nite man... was drenched by the sudden onslaught of water from them... cool... but quite pleased to see that they seem quite united by sec 1... oh boy, do i see the rise of a new hope? hopefully? and the stuff they made for their x nco is way too sincerely man... i supposed tt is good... wahahah....


but... at the tender age of sec 1, they did a spectacular "durex" dance much to the awe of yours sincerely... and damn... they have been bugging me to buy durex for them ever since... damn.. tt i dun supposed is a good sign...

oh well... shall stop here before i doze off by the com... shall upload some pics i took over the few weeks by next post if i can spare the time to.... getting too slpy and brain dead now...

meanwhile, i'll be signing off, slp and wake up for LMSC tml....

oh boy, i really have no life...

which i complain to ms khairani,

which she wants me to SOCIALISE more... wahahaha....

lame....

guohuilist turned back time on Friday, June 17, 2005.

LiFe oF gUohU|...cHp 105

okie.. shall create another post today on my tots and feelings for the past few days.. it pretty seems to me tt a lot of things have been in my head man...

well... witness the passing out parade of my very own squad on sun after the camp...

well... after talking them for close to 2yrs... seeing them grow, matured, training to be followers, training to be leader, becoming a leader and leading others..

seeing them turned from a LCP to a SSGT, to SI... seeing them filling their uniform with badges... though marksman is nt a necessity... seeing them.... grow.. seeing them passed out...

tt is a real satisfying feeling... at least u noe they made it thru their 4yrs in npcc cchsm npcc style... knowing that they grow to turn out to be stronger... tougher...

and that i have done wad i have done for them... may it be silently in my heart, unknown to them... i know i have done wad i have done... they may nt appreciate it, but seeing them passing out each and every one with wonderful memories ( may it be good or bad), learnt something ( moral values, character development) in life, tt is good enuf for me.. and i wish them all the best....

okie, i noe it is embarrassing for me to "sweat" so much during their POP... maybe the first and last time i m going to...

but i assure tt those are tears of joy and satisfaction... it is nt tt i am sad to see them leave.. but am happy to see them pass out a stronger person for everyone.. way a big diff from when i took over them 2yrs ago...

and i finally understand chin yeh's similiar actions 2yrs ago for my batch...

well.. and now it is the beginning of another cycle...

still cannot believe tt the sec 1s i see 2yrs ago are NCOs as of today.. they are still... kids to me it may seems... but lets hope they will strive and excel... and may the new flames burn brighter than before

and i tink i am really getting old..

which brings me to another pt... have been serving for 2yrs, in the stint for 4yrs.. making it a 6yrs in cchsm npcc... n suddenly, i feel so tired.... but i noe i still have till 2007 to go...


it is nt tt i am sick of np or wad... but it is rather shld i let go?

okie, to be frank, the annual camp and atc dun even seems to be like exciting aniwae... but i guess it is juz another phase of life...let's hope i am nt lying to myself...

shld i even let go so tt fresh bloods can be injected in...

for now, i can count on harry and jon to carry on... they shld by now know how to take the reins...

at least i m nt like so other ppl to after staying stagnant for 2yrs, making no major contribution and r making their presense pissing ppl off...

and nt even teaching juniors things if nt showing off seniority...

i noe i might cause a up roar with the above sentence but u tink i care? if i dare to blog it, by all means, critisize me.. or even prove me wrong... which i would really appreciate...

though i dun really dare to say tt i am a very good senior to my 2 junior CIs...

well... the new batch of postings are out... with the announcement being more exciting than any other reality tv shows....

well... i hope ppl who made/set standards for them WILL be there to keep it...

dun make empty standards...

and hope they do wad they say... n nt juz say wad they wanna do...

and in the end...

okie, shall stop here... need to recuperate myself for the week... i have a serious lack of slp...

guohuilist turned back time on Tuesday, June 14, 2005.

LiFe oF gUohU|...cHp 104

phew... after another hectic week, me finally back to blogging le.. tt's supposed to be good rite? whahaah... aniwae, hectic is the word to use man...

suffering from camp blues on mon as in the previous post... and on to now man... watched madagascar on either wed or tue, can't remember le... had np meetng on a tue... played bball on wed and watched star wars after tt... full day lesson on thurs and school annual camp on fri till sunday...

okie, at this pt of time... it really seems tt i'm a no life person other than np... diao...

okie... am still suffering from post movies syndrome now... even carried it to the annual camp... esp madagascar and star wars!!!

hmm... went down to sch annual camp after my practical on friday... arrived in time to see sadistic instructors and ncos exercising the campers after lunch for the all so usual no common sense things they have done...

well... juz another pt to blog abt... i juz dun get it y ncos ( and other peeps) like to steal campers' flag during the camp... this is sooo not logical... the idea of making the flag being an impt thing in a grp is coz it is the pride of the grp... they shld take care of the flag... and another thing is to teach responsiblity... but stealing flags from campers during lunch is damn stupid k... dun c y ppl are so sadistic to not even let the campers have a proper meal in peace... mind they choke on their oh-so-dry maggi mee k... or worse off incidents... whr is the Risk Assessment Management???

oh well... i dun even noe y i was so sadistic last time to do this?

or let me think, was i even obsesess with flag stealing?



*forgotten

or maybe i am growing too old for this...


okie, had land exp after lunch... put on my SPF 8 sunscreen lotion but it rained... but it is a good thing it turned CAT 3 after tt...i enjoyed a rather good tan for my skin man...but the LONG 9km land exp was REAL long.. 4hrs k... of initially-sianed campers, common uncommon sense actions ( or is it uncommon common sense ?) and the SUPER LONG distance walking... thank gosh the sec 3s got enlightened and wanted to make the land exp a good experience for their juniors... they turned full of nitrogen after tt...( if u dun get tt joke, it means n2... wahahah)

and i juz dun get it, y am i so insistent of nursery rytheme singing every camp... *groan... childhood-lesss boy

after tt was wash up...cut loads of sausages at lvl 3 pantry of the auditorium.. had pasta with generous servings of clam chowder and sausages for dinner.... all thanks to teck leong man...

he is a good cook.... errr besides the "good looking" and "nice name" sunshine ubin drink... and other weird concocts which is supposed to be good for the body... wahhahaha..

and oh ya... did i 4get to mention abt freee admission to nite safari open enclosure viewing gallery? yeap... catch it live at 1830 to 1930hrs every camp man... it is feeding time... or rather, u can try the lunch time slot.. and it is all exclusive at cchsm 32 classroom block service road...

they had treasure hunt after tt... nth interesting happened tt... except i turned crazy with the " juz look straight, smile and wave" quote from then on... and oh ya... speak the yoda way campaign....

lights off after tt... and sentry follows... had a long debrief after treasure hunt...

nth interesting at sentry too... for the first time, din do sentry for whole nite... coz i promised mr lee to get some slp.... a promise make is a promise keep k...

and i shall nt mention how junyi telling his dear frens the importance of sentry and he is NOT a cheeko in his singlet and short short, "capturing" female campers...

slept for a few hrs... with nice LOUD handphone alarms ringing and guan yong's phone companionship, woke up at 0630, did warm up and jogged to ECP...

was abt to start joining when oh so sweet hello jane kitty falled out with eileen and anyu... took them to the sick bay, " cared" for them for a moment before hitching on a ride on mr lee's car to katong park to join the rest for the run...

okie... i gotta admit tt my nose is getting longer after every yr coz of the so many white lies i said for motivation purposes to get the campers running...

but i am pretty impressed by the ncos and sec3 to motivate/drag/push their juniors for the run... was expecting many sec 1s to fall out coz their physical wasn't ttt fanastic but they made it...

shall nt mention abt the ice milo story teck leong encountered...

walked back to sch with a close encounter incident... teck leong and i were so stunned man... 1 sec 1 guy actually almost got knocked down by a car... coz he was so slp walking back...

had breakfast and accidentally slept and fell off the chair...

den watched teambuilding games for a moment before heading to do SK for the campfire...

had agm after lunch which talk abt the usual stuff...

had trial nite walk with the ICs after tt..

had campfire SK duty after tt...

den is campfire.. which was quite lively... nice fire due to us and i was damn it make to do a completely spastic dance... congrats to me for making it for 6yrs running....

*pray i dun have to do it for 10yrs...

den is nite walk... lamed with wilson at com lab 2 abt tofu and all... wahahah... with confused campers... eileen, jonathan, jane blew us off with marvelous response... benjamin and his parther won the stoning award for 2min plus...
had to cut short the thing at 3am plus...

woke up next morning to do area cleaning...den break camp and have muster parade...

guohuilist turned back time on Tuesday, June 14, 2005.

LiFe oF gUohU|...cHp 103

wooh... i'm back to bloggging... finally huh? the last entry was like dating 30th may... tt's a week? waahha...

hmm... okie... i'm finally back from atc... from last fri till sunday... tt should be from 3rd to 5th june... yeap...

i'm sad to say that it wasn't one of my best atc ever... learnt a lot of lessons thru it though...

( okie.. atc means adventure training camp, for those dudes who dun understand wad i m saying)

okie... after my gruesome lectures on thurs and fri, i went over to ubin on friday evening with harry, jon and zhiwei... crossed over to ubin after booking the whole bumboat for SGD$24...


*using npcc claim form.. wahahah

trekked to ubin, lamed to ubin with usual stories sharing...

however, i'm sad to see the whole camp strolling along upon reaching campsite, nt a good sight to me though.. formed cchsm instructor's cliche when reached campsite... wahahaha... camp rule says tt campers shld mixed ard with other sch's camper at camp... we are doing ironic stuffs like tt...

went over to bahru campsite for mealtime inspection to make sure everyone cook food to eat...

den did a teambuilding game session with a rather enthusiastic group... though after a little pep talking... den debriefed them for the games... and chatted...

went over to noordin campsite after tt for a mass debrief...

den came back to bahru campsite for a little sentry duty before hitting the bed for a 2hr slp...

den woke up to help out for the PT... which apparently upsetted me coz

1) MANY instructors did not wake up for their duties... leaving only a minimum me, jon, crystal and azrin.. and daniel was the pti... ( which i m sad to say, was covering me for pti's role)

2) i had collected enuf casulties to form a squad.. ( tt makes ard 40 plus) most of them were the good actors...i am amazed.

as jiamay had saied, they all have a serious problem...

after which i changed into my super short short for kayaking activity.... i was the lifeguard there...

the first activity cycle was okie.. james, my powerboat man was a humourous person and i enjoyed our session on the boat... this guy was a cadet inspector in 1991 and is currently a "long kang" diver with the singapore navy...

but our motor went dead in ard 200m away from shore and we had to paddle back... sian0.5...wahahah...

had laksa for lunch, courtesy of desmond's cooking...

did kayaking and exchange shift with jon for the second session... was supposed to have a single sitter to myself but ended up playing partner to angeline for the session coz she had no partner... aniwae, i presume i did most of the paddling..and hope she had fun with me ard... whaahah..

conduct kayaking theory with hong kai and jon for the 3rd session before helping kiwi sir for the last grp... ended up helping to launch kayaks and entertain campers when i wanted to be out at sea... grrhhh.... some person stole my kayak.. grrh...

aniwae, i was hitted many times by the camper's kayaks... when they were coming back to shore... this excludes my groin my their oncoming kayaks... tt was OUCHS man...

well.... my day time activity ended like tt... though the campers spent a loong time being punished after lunch... NOTE AFTER lunch!!! i dun see justice and common sense in this... well.. ...


okie... took a bathe with jon after tt and went over to the campfire... which again, pissed me off..

1) many instructors disappear during the campfire... coz they feel tt the campfire was nt a very good one... well, i duno y they dun respect the camper at all... afterall. a campfire is for the campers to show appreciation to the instructors... and we cannot even stay for it? wad negative things does it show? wad mindset are they setting? *shrugs*

2) I HATE CIs whos used the word CI for a whole cause and generalizing CIs in the same league as themselves... esp when they are LOBO... for eg" let's do it the CI's way? when it is her/his owen wishful thinking"

3) the camper's performance are well.. too profound for my mentality to understand, but well, i appreciate wad have they all done for us...

4) the campfire was supposed to be a BATCH event by the D04s, my junior batch of CI, however, i only see partial people doing it... and others merely soaked in the activity and critisize it...

went over to bahru with jon to collect logistic for our initiative games session...

but it was cancelled...

was damn pissed abt it k...

afterall, it was nt our fault tt the session was cancelled... though we agreed to it being cancelled... well, at least i din say anything...

it is okie for the proposals that i have done is not being carried out...
it is okie that they even asked us to add in additional games juz in case there is a lack of time...

but somehow, they cancel our time slot becoz of lack of time...

and tt is nt the point.. they cancel out at least 2.5hrs of activity... wad have this got to show? improper time management?

den over to bahru after the whole thing... and back to noordin only to find tt debrief was over... discussed stuffs with the cchsm instructors...

went back to bahru campsite only to find mr lee doing sentry duty... which is way out of his jobscope... and other instructors juz carry on to slp juz becoz it is not their duty... tt is so arhhhgg...

wanted to help mr lee do sentry but he drove me to bed every hr when i tried to do so... till 4.30am when he finally agreed to let me helped out...

btw, mr lee is juz so nice... he is the only Teacher Officer that is so welfaring the camper... i mean he actually cleaned the floor using tissue paper so that the campers can slp in a better environment?

well, had PT again in the morning at 6.15am... apparently , the campers gotten punished again for being selfish and not waking up on time... but i am so upset.. coz wad rights do we have to do tt when INSTRUCTORS cannot wake up for their duty?

i have always empthasize we as instructors should not ask our campers to do things that we cannot do... i believe tt is when we earn our respects...

so the peeps din wake up as usual... pt casualty were cut down to a minimum.. tt is good...

and i am sooo inpressed by this st pat's guy who simply refused to fall out even though he was in great pain... all coz of a promise he made to the other instructor tt he will nt fall out as tt instructor had allow his grp to participate in an activity which his group was supposed to be barred coz of punishment...

after which, had area cleaning... broke camp, hiked out to jetty, back to cchs, lunch and meeting at singpost before heading home to slp from 1830 to 0600 for sch...

which den leave me with not so wonderful memories for this atc...

1) all the cliches of instructors... from cchy...completely antisocial... i dun mean boonsiong, andrew, yuan ze... they are nice ppl to talk to... (exclusive of campers)...

2) the absurd punishment of camper... some ppl were like punishing camper for pleasure sake...

3) the unity of instructors like other atc... sad case

4) attitude of campers...

well... as karen said, we suddenly feel so protective of OUR cadets at atc... esp when they are tortured...

grrhhh... i'm glad they are back to civilisation...

guohuilist turned back time on Monday, June 06, 2005.